I Watch
by ghostlights
Summary: I know the dreams that you keep, its where we meet.
1. Silentium

I WATCH   
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada. One day I will become insanely rich and then.......But until that day, Nada.  
  
  
Sometimes, I watch her as she sleeps.  
Standing in the shadows in the corner of her room, silently, I watch.  
She knows that I do it. I even think she knows why I do it. The peace it brings is a balm I am not granted in the daylight hours.  
It is because we are who we are that it happens. I mean, who else would let someone, a psycho killer no less, just stand and watch them sleep? Sometimes she's not even asleep. She pretends. For me.   
I know when its fake, and she knows that I know. But that's not important to us.  
  
It's not her sleeping that I take pleasure in- well, that's part of it, slumber of the innocents an' all. It's reassurance. I have to prove to myself that she's all right.  
The nights I spent watching her empty bed while she was away with Frost. The irrational urges to ring her at two in the morning just to hear her voice...  
  
She's never asked me to leave.......  
  
Once, though, she asked for a hug. Pulled me right on down beside her. We didn't speak. We didn't need to. Just took the comfort being offered. The comfort of being near each other, in the blind dark.  
  
I miss that hug. Especially when I'm gone, at night, alone.  
  
Because I couldn't do that with anyone else, you see. I couldn't ruin their illusions like that. But with her, there are no illusions. I can't hide. I've never had to.   
She pulled me off a goddam cross. Saved me when I was weakest. Never feared me at my most savage. She *knows* me.   
  
Have you ever watched someone sleep? And known exactly what they were dreaming?  
That's what we have.  
Its what we are.  
I let her dream for me.  
  
  
  
  



	2. 

LULLABY  
  
  
Disclaimer: you know the drill, characters not mine, Marvel are God.  
  
And now, just because I never know when to leave a perfectly good piece alone…  
  
  
He watches me.  
Late at night, when he really should be in his own bed.   
In the corner, just past my window, where the shadows are at the darkest.   
That is where he stands. He never sits and he never changes his corner.  
That's his corner. Always.  
  
He isn't hiding from me, though. When he stands in the dark. He knows that I know that he's there.   
He couldn't hide from me. He *never* has to hide from me.  
He just feels more comfortable in the shadows. That's just who he is.  
  
A part of me (OK *all* of me) enjoys him being there. It's his way of saying he cares. And I need that. I don't think that there are a lot of people who care about me, at least, not the way he does, the way I need them to.  
I missed it when I was gone, Paige snoring in the next bed never really held the same type of comfort.  
  
I need him there to sleep now.  
Feeds the sense of security that I've been growing. It's security I crave you see. And he is most definitely my rock. When he is at my side I feel safer than if I were in a padded room. Even if we're in the middle of a battlefield.  
  
I've never sent him away.   
I never could send him away.  
I need him to know that this is how much I trust him. Some of the others aren't even comfortable around him when he's asleep and they're at peak performance.  
But this intimate act. Watching somebody as they sleep. That's the ultimate I always think. You're totally under their power, they could kill you and you'd be powerless to save yourself.  
  
There are no acts or masks when you're asleep, either.  
He sees every little turn, hears every little snore, or every time I talk aloud.   
I have no control. Totally powerless over what comes out.  
Every time I dream about him. Every nightmare that wakes me, ready to paff any thing that moves.  
  
He sees past all my acts now.   
And I still don't know whether that's good or bad….  
  
When morning comes though, he's always gone. When night comes so does he.  
I never see him enter, I never see him leave.  
  
He never touches me. Even when I'm asleep. I know that much. Its enough to watch me. See that I'm there.  
  
I don't know when this started. Him, watching me. I mean, I don't remember a time that he wasn't there, in the shadows, as I slept.  
I know that there obviously was a time that he didn't. But even in my memories of the nights before him, he's there, in the shadows, guarding my dreams.  
  
  
  
OK, I obviously don't know when to leave alone.  
These were inspired by a song Blur did called No Distance Left To Run and a few specific lines that go:  
"I hope you have someone who make you feel safe when you're sleeping tonight"  
And   
"I know the dreams that you keep, its where we meet"  
The rest of the song isn't really relevant but those lines really grab me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
